Monthly Archives: January 2014
Marriage is a good thing and family is a blessing. That is how it was intended to be from the beginning. But what has changed this concept? Why do some people see marriage as a burden rather than a blessing? Why am I making this an issue now? Do we not have enough information, advice, tips, and insight? If all these resources are not making a difference, why bother? These are legitimate concerns and questions, to which I have helpful responses.
We started a brand New Year and many of us included giving more time and attention to ourselves, our relationships, and our families in our new year’s resolutions. So I want to make sure that we are still on track. I emphasize my resolve and support for preserving and protecting these vital aspects of our lives. Any sacrifice, energy, time, and resources that we put into these two entities are an excellent investment, whether the returns are obvious or not. This may sound funny, unreasonable, or in specific cases hypocritical, given current trends.
Recently, I asked myself this question: What is the most important thing in one’s life? A recent study showed about 85% of the responses mentioned ‘family,’ followed by ‘God,’ then ‘relationships.’ Family starts with a relationship and this develops into family. When a relationship is strengthened and sealed by marriage, and both parties unconditionally commit to this vow, a solid foundation is set. The good news is that most people enter into marriage with great intentions. These intentions are to be kept alive and fresh by combined efforts at being able to stay connected and engaged with each other at all times. Rather than becoming defensive and hurtful when problems arise, some married couples “pepper their disputes with flashes of affection, intense interest, and mutual respect,” according to Gottman, a marriage expert. He describes ‘marital masters,’ as “folks who are so good at handling conflict that they make marital squabbles look like fun.” Having a sense of humor diffuses the tension and at the same time gives the intended message that must be received with love, gratitude, and a resolve to improve the next time. Therefore, those who feel negatively about marriage and family should not be discouraged. There is help and hope.
No two marriages or families are alike. Each is unique and should be handled as such. If we bear all these facts in mind at all times and keep hearing them over and over in different forms and from different sources, we may become more aware and focus on them all year long. This is why we are reminded of them now and we must keep our focus on marriage and family strong and steady until it becomes second nature. Then and only then can we see the need to protect our marriages and families from all attacks, known and unknown, from within and from without, not giving any room for our selfish tendencies to creep in and cause havoc.
Remember that the greatest demonstration of love is capping your wings so that others can fly. At last you will realize that you really did fly to your greatest heights. What is good is worth being preserved. Marriage and family are good and must be protected and preserved as much as possible. Protect them fearlessly, faithfully, and frequently, but not at the risk of your own life and sanity. Be fair to all concerned including yourself. Be in constant touch with your conscience and you will surely enjoy enduring peace and fulfillment.
–Dr. Mother Love
Are we not lucky to usher in another brand New Year, 2014? We should be very grateful for this because many people worldwide, unfortunately, did not have the opportunity to see this year. Our hearts and prayers go out to them and their families. This is one of the reasons why we should take our New Year’s Resolutions seriously, as this could be anybody’s last one, but we pray for many more to come.
This time, let us commit more than ever before to these resolutions until they become our second nature. Let us embrace them with a healthy and realistic, stress-free, positive front and refuse to give excuses for not keeping up with them as the year goes on. Remember that what you value most relects what appears highest on your list. What you choose to embrace or let go tells much about you and your unique situation. Most people resolve to invest money, time, and energy on what they value most: self, God, family, career, hobbies, charity, health, and the list goes on. Every year I ask myself the same simple question with no satisfactory answer: “How comfortable are you doing what you have to do even if you do not like it?” I always rationalize as many do, that, most of my actions are part of my moral obligations as a spouse, parent, member of my family, organization, community, and society at large.
Even with these, I must have my priorities, which include taking care of myself: setting aside personal time alone for meditation and reflection in addition to doing other things I love to do. As the saying goes, “be willing to make room for the decorative crown on your cake by getting rid of the crumbs and believing that you deserve the cake”. You are human, so make room for failures and give yourself some credit, some break, some permission to relax and smell the roses, being thankful for the good, the bad, and the ugly that came your way last year. Your positive front will enable you to use all your stumbling blocks as stepping stones for a mighty, wise and calculated leap into some positive arena leading to your vision, mission and goal.
In relationship matters, remember that when compatibility is ignited by chemistry, it is vital to keep the flame alive with healthy communication skills and a life style that ensures trust, integrity, love, and service. Be in touch with your conscience at all times and do not ignore that soft inner voice that warns you about potential consequences of poor and selfish choices. Always aim at putting the interest and comfort of others first and be fair to all concerned, including yourself, and you will enjoy the comfort individualized from inside out. I encourage you to embrace this experience and you will be amazed.
This year, resolve to nurture the interest and curiosity of the younger generation by modeling integrity in your marriage and relationships so that the future of family life will take flight and thrive forever. I wholeheartedly appeal to everyone, especially leaders and heads of families, as well as the bread winners, to guard their integrity and self discipline so that this year, the demons of Infidelity and Related Sins (I&RS), cannot find their way into the family to cause confusion and dysfunction.
I must admit that my new year’s resolutions hardly last for more than one month. Therefore, this year I decided to keep it simple, since one of my greatest weaknesses is procrastination. I always postpone things and never get back to complete them. This year, my resolution is to postpone this procrastination, whenever it comes up. Hopefully, this will help me get things done this year. I wish you all good luck and success with your own New Year’s Resolutions.
Happy New Year to all of you.
–Dr Mother Love.