Dr. Mother Love on Love: Let’s Talk about Family
This is the content of my last monthly Blog Talk Radio show, ” Dr. Mother Love on Love: Let’s Talk about Family. It is all about Love, Relationships and Family Matters. We started a few months ago with analyzing the basic make up of the family unit, that is members and their roles in making or breaking the family fabric. We have been talking about the man, the natural family head, and supposedly the provider, protector, and role model as ordained by the Creator.
Love is a MUSCLE that must be flexed correctly by all members to keep everything going well. How are we flexing this love and kindness muscle? I just wonder! If time allows, we will conclude the role of the man today so we can move over to the woman’s role, otherwise we carry it over to one more episode.
How is the man handling his family? He may surely be providing and protecting but is he also role modeling? Will his kids always want to be like Dad? It all depends on the feedback they are getting from Dad’s lifestyle.
Unlike the media that usually portrays the negative sides of stories in order to catch people’s attention and interest, (you know that bad stories make news), this show brings out both sides of every story in fairness to all concerned. Undeniably, most men are doing their best to keep the family going, but in many cases, some of the family members’ sanity and prestige are torn down by the very head that should be building them up. This can be done intentionally or ignorantly by the choices he makes. When I claim that I have a soft spot for men, I am not kidding. This is because most men are innocently clueless about what really keeps a relationship alive and healthy. Man’s nature of simplicity and lack of intimate communication skills put a burden on relationships. To some extent, one can blame this on nature and nurture: how men are wired and how family and society have conditioned them by expectations and orientation as males in contrast to females. On the other hand, women’s tendency to over-analyze issues and worry unnecessarily are equally problematic. So we must find a way to balance things in order to benefit all.
An ideal family man knows when to pay attention to little but vital details about his family matters. He knows when and how to maintain the sanity and integrity of family members by his words and actions. This is where most men have challenges. Material provisions are vital but emotional support of every member and stabilizes the family fabric and ensures allegiance, trust and respect for the man. It baffles me to find out how clueless some men are about what goes on in their families and have no apologies about this. To a great man of the family, all things matter, especially things affecting the sanity and functioning of members. Sometimes, cultural influence plays a major role in distorting man’s roles in family and relationship matters. This is where redirection and value clarification are most needed for damage control before it is too late. The resulting crisis and confusion are breaking up families and destroying relationships. In some cultures, men are taught to be physically strong, show little emotion, and be very stingy with dishing out compliments, especially to women and children. Most of the time, this shuts men down and keeps their true feelings bottled up within, only to explode in violence when it reaches its limits.
I had an opportunity to interview one of such men dealing with this kind of trapped situation: He told me that keeping quiet was his safest strategy to avoid being accused, blamed or insulted. His wife scolds him like a child, in front of their children and so they have no respect for him, though he continues to be the breadwinner. He is very angry, frustrated, disappointed and discouraged and rightly so, and so should any man be in a similar situation. Doesn’t this sound familiar in many families? We need to prevent such ungrateful attitudes that scare young men away from marriage. This is just one side of the story. The other side needs to be heard too! Every family has different challenges though; some common factors are handled by adult members make or break the family.
I will address the wife’s problem when we get to women’s roles. For now, my point it that there is no smoke without fire and the best thing is to get to the root of the problem to know how to address it. Family is the fabric of every society and must be protected by all means. We cannot ignore problems threatening its survival.
In the next episode, we will conclude on man’s role and start with the woman. Please join us. We appreciate comments and feedback.
Dr. Mother Love